Embracing sexuality, peaks and toys

16 May

Sat, May 14, 2011 9:00pm

Talking about sex is not something most women feel comfortable with, at least not openly. Sometime last year I sat with a group of women in their late 20’s and brought up the topic. Some looked at me with a bit of disgust at first and couldn’t believe I was talking about “it.” Soon we were all laughing and enjoying the sexy conversation.

Not too long ago I was the one blushing when my college girl friends openly talked about their sexual experiences and the magical word orgasm. It wasn’t until recently I became more open and comfortable with the conversation (maybe too comfortable!)

What changed? For me, it has a lot to do with how comfortable I feel with my self. For a long time I had self-esteem issues and my experience in the area was non-existent. I was also pretty clueless but always very curious. I also work with sexual violence issues, which means I have to be comfortable with the ‘sex’ conversation. Besides, what’s wrong with a woman having an open conversation about sex once in a while? Some says its because I’m hitting my “peak”!

What peak? You may ask!! Some say women hit their sexual peak in the 30’s, but I think it depends on the woman and also the type of relationship she has with her partner. Dr. Pepper Schwart, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, Seattle, says, “Sexual prime is a total myth. There is no physiological peak… no spike in hormones. No changes in the endocrine system. The whole notion is an artifact of the time.”


The peak has to do with her confidence and how she feels about sex. A blogger on yahoo says its like hitting puberty, “Only when women mature are they able to feel more comfortable talking about and practicing sex. They finally open up and begin to feel normal about desiring sex. It is a sexual awakening!” She may think about it more, fantasize about it, and be more open. Most of my friends have or are experiencing this “peak” for some it started in the mid-twenties for others it never stopped.

There’s a point when a woman decides what she likes, how she likes it and when she wants it. For those who do not have partners, creativity is a must to help the peak. I’m not talking about one-night stands or multiple sex partners. For a women, it is a bit harder to just find some random person to simply “sleep” with and let it be just sex. Don’t get me wrong, this is not impossible but I think it’s harder for women. Some opt for safer and creative routes at helpful “stores.” Yes, it’s much safer to shop at a sex store rather than shopping around at a local bar.

There is nothing wrong with sex toys!  

They are quite wonderful, quick and effective. A toy will stay true to you, be there when you most need it, be exclusive, loyal and you will never run the risk of catching an STD. The toy will never ask you how good it was and you will never have to fake it or stroke its ego. It is safe, easy and no birth control or protection needed.

Yes, it’s not like the real “thing” but it may help when options are scarce or when you just don’t feel like dealing with the male ego. There’s no emotional attachment to a toy and there will be no mushy cuddling after climax (that’s if you are into that!)


Don’t be scandalized by what you are reading, you know we all think about it, we do it but not all talk about it. Sex is wonderful and there’s nothing wrong with having it (safely & consensually). Its natural thing so it should be a natural conversation.

Both women and men should be comfortable talking about it, especially with their partner. Don’t be afraid to say what you want out loud. It doesn’t work if you continue to think or fantasize about it. If you have a fantasy, say it! Your partner may be pleasantly surprised. And if you are single and way too busy to have a sexual relationship with anyone (I don’t blame ‘ya) find creative ways to please yourself. They exist; you just have to find them.  You should have an orgasm everyday, its good for you!!!

There’s something really great about having an open conversation about sex with your girlfriends, guy friends or partner. The best conversations I’ve had revolve around sexuality and gender.  It is fascinating to hear others talk openly about issues that may not always be socially comfortable.

So make it your peak, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or whenever!!!

Embrace your sexuality, enjoy it and love every minute of it!

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3 Responses to “Embracing sexuality, peaks and toys”

  1. Sandra Fernandez May 20, 2011 at 3:02 am #

    Being latina doesn’t help when it comes to the topic of sex. There’s an extra layer of taboo, a cultural “peer pressure” that tells us that this topic isn’t supposed to be discussed freely.

    One of the great things about growing up, and becoming grown up, is that you start to feel comfortable owning the things that affect you. This includes sexuality, relationships, career, and finances. And, yes, sometimes it means that you have to have uncomfortable conversations with others (sometimes uncomfortable for you, sometimes uncomfortable for others).

    Great post.

    • Frida Villalobos May 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

      I couldn’t agree more!! thank you for reading Sandra 🙂

  2. calily June 1, 2011 at 2:09 am #

    Amen! Oh, and I’m glad those museum pics came in handy! haha.

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