Some say the demonstration of love between two people and in private means so much more than putting on a show in front of the world.
My boyfriend from many years ago prepared a surprise for the occasion. He cooked dinner, bought flowers and did everything a man “should” do on that day. The day after he avoided my calls. Later he said he felt uncomfortable because he didn’t want me to take the surprise the wrong way. He realized what he did may have been too much and thought I may interpret that as him wanting a serious commitment.
At that moment I realize he only did it because it was Valentines Day and he felt pressure to have to do something “nice” for me. It wasn’t because he really wanted to surprise me but the establishment of the holiday told him that’s just what you do.
I ask myself, how many men and women feel this way? We allow society to program our yearly agenda and tell us when we should celebrate those we love. Society tells us when to celebrate mom, dad, etc.
I am sure most men don’t give a shit about Valentines Day but they will never dare to admit that to their partner or wouldn’t dare to not do anything to honor the holiday. There are women that say they don’t give a crap about flowers or chocolates but still care and expect something on that day. He will go buy the most expensive flower arrangement, he will try his best to come up with the most creative and mushy idea to impress his partner and of course at the end of the night he will expect something in return. She will get the sexiest lingerie, cook the best meal and get him a card he will probably hate. I mean that’s just what you are supposed to do, right?
Celebrating romance and love is something beautiful but should never depend on buying or doing certain things. Society, media and corporations have commercialized the holiday for decades. They tell us what to buy, what type of chocolate we should choose, the color of roses we should give and the perfect romantic experience we should plan.
One of the messages: Your love is measured by what you buy.
For some Valentines Day serves as a reminder of our own imperfect relationships or lack of. Single life is described as a tragedy. There are movies that portray single women as pathetic buried in their sofas, eating ice cream, watching romantic movies and crying every time there’s a valentine commercial.
This is pathetic. Women are portrayed as inconsolable for not having a man by our side. This is not the way it should be.
I’m not against Valentines Day but I refuse to be told when and how to celebrate the person I love. The love we feel for friends, family or partners should not be celebrated just once a year. Love is so much more than a flower arrangement or a box of chocolates. Love is all the simple things we do everyday for the person we love, the hug we need, the words of support from a loved one, when we kiss our kids on the forehead, the funny faces and gestures we share with our best friend, the unexpected caress and all those little things that make us feel special and loved.
Love means understanding we are not always right and accepting others for what they are. Love is felt, seen and heard. Love is never complicated and should never be painful. True love cannot be bought or exchanged. Love should never be a transaction or a requirement. Love cannot be forced or pushed upon.
Share your love with your partner, family, friends and community free from pressures or expectations.