Sex Talk: the senses, orgasms and a ‘lil more!

“A woman is like an iron, it takes a while to get her hot but once she gets hot she’s hot.” This is what my friend answered when I asked him what it takes to give a woman an orgasm.

A female friend’s said it a little differently, “ It takes multi-level foreplay. It begins with romance talk, dirty talk, and erotic talk. It moves on to physical foreplay. For a woman it is a multi sensory experience- sound, taste, touch… you have to hit it at every level. He has to be patient!”

I couldn’t agree more!  Foreplay doesn’t have to begin face to face. Foreplay may begin at a distance through a text message, a voicemail, a call or a photo. The senses can be aroused in many different ways.  This is when the oven begins to get warm!

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Arousing all the senses…

Arousal through sight

She will wear something nice and sexy to arouse your sight. Unfortunately, most men will not pay attention to what she wears. In the heat of the moment their attention will not be on the color or the nice lace

There are exceptions of men who will pay attention and have learned (the hard way) what women like. I posted the following question on facebook, “gentlemen do you notice when your partner wears sexy undergarments?”  For the most part, older men said yes.  One said, “I always do. I think that it’s all part of the process of arousal. I believe a woman enjoys the process of dressing sensually not only for herself, but for her man also. As for me, unwrapping the most precious… Well, nothing more need be said.

Younger men responded a little different, “Hell no I don’t notice. It’s more for women. I prefer they don’t wear any.  I think if u asked a guy the day after 9 out 10 times he wouldn’t be able to even tell you the color much less the design.”

Here’s the deal, if a woman took the time and effort to pick something sexy she wants her partner to notice! She is not wearing it just for her own sake! This is her way to open the door to foreplay, and seduction. She wants her partner to admire it, play with it and slowly take it off (preferably using the mouth)

We do understand there will be exceptions when there is no time, and spontaneity takes over. In that last minute, heat of the moment, lets do it here moment she will want you to just go for it!

The most difficult part for men is to distinguish between these two moments. Ladies, here’s when you take over the wheel and show him the way.  You know he will never ask you for directions but he will learn to appreciate when you direct him in a sensual way and show him what you like.

I’m sure this has sparked many arguments among couples. She gets upset because he didn’t take the time or effort. He is confused because he has no clue what the heck is going on. Some men need direction and I mean more than just a look. Show him!

Arousal through touch

Learn how your partner likes to be touched. Learn what makes them tremble. Learn what buttons turns them on. 

A woman’s body is very complex compared to the male body. Reaching climax for some women takes more work and more time. This is why foreplay is so important for a woman but not all men will take their time or be patient! The worst a man can do is reach climax and completely forget about her. Foreplay can help the process for her!

Gentlemen, touching a woman’s body can be an adventure and thoroughly arousing for a male. Learn how to use the tip of your fingers, lips, tongue, and explore her body in ways no one ever has. 

Arousal through hearing

Erotic talk, moans, music and all other sounds can really turn up the heat. Some prefer romantic talk others like to listen. Find out what your partner likes!

One thing a woman will always appreciate is a man who makes her feel as if she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She will appreciate one who vocalizes it. Some women struggle reaching climax because they are not 100% comfortable with their partner. If she feels deeply connected and completely comfortable with him she will put down the walls and will let her self go. A man who makes a woman feel like a Goddess will see and feel the difference. Try it!

Arousal through taste and smell

Don’t be afraid to taste your partner or allow them to taste you. I’m not just talking about oral sex! Yes, that’s all great and all but that’s not the only way to taste your partner. Learn different ways to kiss them. Kiss them in new areas every time you are intimate. Take your time and let them know how amazing they taste. Learn how to seduce them- foreplay can begin with a simple text message you get in the office, “honey I cannot wait to taste you.” THAT sets the tone and builds anticipation.

Smell them. Take your time to take in their scent. Rub your nose all over their body and seduce them with your breath. This can help set them mood for what’s coming next.

Making love, having sex or whatever you call it can be fun and an adventure every time. Make your partner want you so bad they cannot get their hands off you the minute they see you. This is not something that can just happen the minute you see them. Play with them. Tease them.

Romance can look very different for males and females. Be open to your partner’s idea of romance. For some women the idea of romance means a walk on the beach holding hands, for a male may mean doing it on the beach. Don’t be afraid to ask what romance means to them. I promise this will save you a few arguments!

More about female orgasms…

A woman can thoroughly enjoy sex with her partner but that doesn’t mean she will reach climax every time. Great orgasms are scarce for most women. They are not that easy for us! This is why some women turn to masturbation. For them this may be the only way they can have a real orgasm. Why? Because she knows exactly where her point is and knows exactly what it takes to get there.

Gentlemen, if you don’t take your time or care if she has an orgasm she will fake it. There’s a moment while in the act when she will realize there’s no way she will reach climax, gives up and fakes it. Most men will never know she faked it.

Ladies, this doesn’t help men. This creates a false sense of security. He will think he is doing everything right. She will never tell him otherwise! Ladies, you are not doing him or you any favors. It is only fair you get your piece of the pie as well!

Gentlemen, be creative, provocative and adventurous. You have to find her center. You have to learn where that is and what it takes to turn it on. Once you find it learn how to touch it, and a little more.  Learn what it takes to seduce it and I promise this will help her have a real orgasm. How do you know if she has one? Look, feel and touch!!! A woman may fake it but her body won’t!

Be creative by trying different positions, different places in and outside of the home. Try new techniques.  Another way to keep it interesting is bringing toys to the bedroom! If you don’t have a clue, do your research! 

Couples have to do a joint effort to keep the fire alive and not be afraid to try new things as long as you are comfortable.

We have to learn how to take our time, pay close attention to what your partner enjoys, learn their body and the way it reacts when you do certain things. Stop thinking you know everything because you really don’t.  

Sex is wonderful put it is up to us to keep it interesting and exciting.

 P.S. If you would like to learn a lot more about a woman’s body and her center Ms. Vagina rent the Vagina Monologues!! This will give you a good idea of how a woman’s body works, what she likes and doesn’t like! 

Other posts you may enjoy-

Faking the O

Embracing Sexuality, peaks and toys

Can it ever be just sex?

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