That’s how it feels

This piece is from a conversation I had with one woman. At the end you may wonder what “it” is- I  leave that up to you to decide.

She asked how it feels. She answered,

“It feels like you cannot breathe. It feels like you are locked inside a box and cannot get out. You try and try but there is no way out. You scream, you cry, you get angry, you want to just disappear. You feel crushed, completely broken, torn into million pieces. You wish it was different. You wish it didn’t hurt as much. You wish all would go away. You wish you could be a different person, a different body, a different heart, a different soul. And then you realize it is all too real, all too painful, all too much. You want to just run away and forget it all. Run far away from here. Away from the painful reality it has become, the reality it always was. And you hate yourself for it, for doing it again, for allowing your heart to leave its corner, for allowing yourself to feel again. You hate what you did. You hate how you feel. You hate that it cannot be different. Then your hearts speaks, it cries to you, it begs you not to let go. It begs you not to put him back in the corner. It begs to let him feel. Your heart, your beautiful heart, so confused, so lonely, so crushed, so broken just wants to feel love. That’s how it feels”

What do you think “it” is?

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