I apologized to my heart

Have you ever felt angry at your heart when you are in pain?  When you have to let go someone you love? You blame the heart for falling in love, for being broken and not being able to make it go away.

When we are heart broken we blame everything around us and we forget our heart is in deep pain. A while ago I went into a relationship knowing the outcome wouldn’t be good but yet I let my heart run free. I allowed my heart to feel again, let my guard down and fell deeply in love. I put my heart in the line of fire and did nothing to protect it. I knew the story would be complicated from the beginning yet I went in and didn’t care.  I read all the signs and took the route.

One night for the very first time in my life when the pain felt so raw I apologized to my heart and asked for forgiveness.  I said, “I am so sorry for putting you through this. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”  The minute I said these words out loud I was able to breathe and felt peace. That night I began to let go and began forgiving myself.

I knew what I was doing from the beginning and I had to take some of the responsibility for the pain my heart felt in that moment. I wasn’t the only one who caused the pain but the other person will never come around to apologize but I could. I had to forgive myself for putting my dear heart through the roller coaster. I apologized not just for that time but also for all the other times I put her through hell. 

If you are ever in pain show your heart some compassion, reflect on how you got there and if you feel like you have to ask for forgiveness. The last thing your heart needs when it has been broken into a million pieces is for you misplace blame. Validate your own feelings, pain and emotions. If you have some responsibility accept it, own it but leave your heart out of it.  Forgiveness doesn’t meant regret; it just means compassion and understanding. Do not regret a thing because remember that in that moment it was exactly what you wanted.  I do not regret allowing my heart to fall deeply in love because in that moment it was the best feeling in the world and it made me so happy. It was just what I wanted. It was perfect. Forgiveness just makes letting go easier, it teaches and helps us grow.

Everything in life is a learning experience even pain. 


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