A bit hard to swallow but could definitely be the issue. We try and try to make excuses, “why he didn’t call?” “Why he is too busy?” “Why he is not ready?” or “its too soon.” At the end of the day the hardest answer but the one that comes closer to the truth is that he may not be that into to you! This is the title of a book I’m reading… Don’t ask me why!!!
On my way back home from Vegas I open the little black book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, “he’s just not that into you.” You may also remember the movie!
This is the same book I stopped reading months ago because it was just too brutally honest but I’ve realized brutal honesty can really work and shake the idiot out of you. The secret is not rocket science but is based on logic, instincts and simplicity.
Yes, I have been there, waiting for the call, hoping things will change, wishing things were different and settling for much less than what I deserve. I was that girl. I was like one of those girls that wrote to Greg- so hung up on someone who plain and simple wasn’t that interested. I’m not that embarrassed to admit it because I’m not that girl anymore. I refuse to be.
Let me tell you about the book, it’s a very interesting and honest take on dating. Three words describe its content: Honest plain and simple! Greg describes it as getting the excuses out of the closet, excuses he makes or you make on his behalf for not being with you or paying too much attention. One of the first things that caught my eye is the description of the man every woman has probably dated. The guy, who is too tired, too stressed, too scared or too focused. The guy who you may describe as complicated is simply someone making excuses or maybe you are making excuses for him.
“People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and to be with the one they love” (Greg) If he likes you, he will find a minute to let you know he’s thinking of you. This may come in the form of a call, text message, email, facebook message or now a day a “poke.”
Every chapter of the book offers a realization to something so simple we make tend to complicate. Dating shouldn’t be so complicated.
“If he really likes you, he will ask you out. No, its not that you intimidate him. Its not that he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship or that he wants to take it slow. He’s just not that into you. If you can find him, then he can find you. If he really wants to, he will.”
“He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. “ Yes, life is crazy busy and shit happens but “lets not forget men are never too busy to get what they want. If he really wants you, he will call. “ (Greg)
“Let him call you. Don’t give him a chance to reject you again” (Greg)
If he’s not willing to call you his girlfriend, he is really not worth your time. There was a time in my life where I accepted this, the “were kind of dating but not really my boyfriend.” I was introduced as the “friend.” The friend he spent almost every day with for more than a year. Yes, I’m ashamed to say I was that girl.
If he’s not dating you, run the other way and never settle for less than what you want and deserve. It’s never better than nothing.
Look for… “The guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. … The guy who wants to see you more often.” (Greg)
The butterflies do exist and that guy is out there… somewhere (I hope!) He will be smitten by you and will not be afraid to let you know how he feels. He will shower you with compliments, introduce you to his friends, be delighted when you introduce him to yours, dance with you even he has no clue how to do it, take a minute off his busy day to let you know he is thinking of you, respect your space, watch a chick flick with you, try desserts even if he doesn’t have a sweet tooth, and much more. Yes, he will do this and more. And you know that “sweep you off your feet” feeling? You will feel it when you least expected.
If he is really into to you, you will be the only girl he desires and will not be able to keep his hands off of you. He will take his time while undressing you and will always want the lights on. He will want to admire, taste and feel every corner of your body. He will tell you how beautiful you are and amazingly you taste. His jaw will drop the minute you allow him to see you naked. You will become his goddess
The guy who is having or wanting to have sex with someone else is not this guy. Always believe a man when he says he can’t be exclusive. He means it and will not tell you when he decides to jump into someone’s bed. He won’t tell you when he invites a new girl over. He won’t tell you when he takes trips with her either. Eventually, his stupidity will let you find out and when you do you will find yourself disappointment not just in him but also in yourself for allowing it and accepting it. He will claim its just sex but for you it will never be just sex. There will be times when you will forgive him but you will never forget. And eventually you will have a hard time forgiving yourself for doing it.
And then break ups happen. Break ups happen for a reason and they should be definitive.
“Don’t sleep with the ex no matter how good “make up” sex may be.” (Greg) Don’t lie to yourself things won’t change. The sex may be good, but the relationship will not change. He will not change and don’t ever try changing him.
And if he asks you wait for when he’s ready, don’t. If he is not ready now, he may not sure if you are the one.
“… Go find someone who doesn’t need a decade or two to realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to him… look for the guy who can’t wait to love you” (Greg)
Dating sucks when you date someone who is not that into you. “Shitty relationships make your feel shitty.” (Greg) Dating is wonderful when you have someone who really wants to get to know you, be part of your life and wants you to be part of his.
Both Greg and Liz give refreshing remarks at the end of the book…
“ I believe in love the verb, not the noun. I believe in letting the woman I love know I love her all the time with my actions…. Profound love is uplifting, joyous, inspiring and intoxicating… never settle for less. Free yourself from relationships that are beneath you” (Greg)
“What woman couldn’t use a man (like Greg) in her ear reminding her that’s she’s smart and valuable and worthy and gorgeous and deserving of everything she ever wanted?” (Liz)
We shouldn’t have to read this type of book to realize we all deserve the very best. We all deserve to be swept off our feet, feel those stupid butterflies in our stomach and feel completely adored. If he is not that into you, you shouldn’t be either. Allow yourself to find someone that is. He is out there waiting for you!!