Learning from Anger

let goHave you ever been so angry you wish your hurt on someone? You wish for just a short moment that person could feel your physical and emotional pain. Have you ever wish to hate as much as you love? You may not ever say those words out loud because you feel guilty but you do feel them. You feel like a bad person for just thinking it.  There are times in our lives when the damage done to us seems unbearable and we just want to make the person who caused it to understand, to feel how we feel. We want them to see what we see. This is anger. This is pain and it hurts.

I have been there and it is not a good place to be.

Anger can reveal so much from beneath and uncovers what we try so hard to hide.  Anger can show us the pain we avoid and the sadness we carry inside. Anger can make us bitter and doesn’t allow us grow. We cannot move forward when we are angry. We may become slaves of our emotions and bitterness, which can lead us to more pain and hurting others around us. Anger can blind us and prevent us from seeing clearly. It makes us smaller. It makes us vulnerable, weak.

As much as you want and try to make a person understand or feel how you feel it may never happen. You cannot force anyone to see or feel what you feel. You cannot change those around you or how they react to you but you can choose how you react to them. Never seek approval from anyone; all you need is your own.  If you allow it, anger will damage and break you even more. You may not be able to control the cause but we can control the effect. We have to learn how to let go. It is okay to allow yourself to feel angry but it is never healthy to stay in that place. You can consciously make the choice to remove yourself from it and do not allow it to control all your emotions.

Learn how to forgive and let go.  Don’t blame yourself for something that may be out of your hands. Do take accountability for those things you did but learn how to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that anger is never against just one person but also towards our selves. We get angry for being vulnerable, for giving in and for feeling weak. There are times no one else can hurt us as much as we can hurt ourselves but we can stop it. Accept you are human, you are not perfect and no one around you will ever be.

Self-forgiveness is essential for self-healing.  Not too long ago I heard the wonderful Sandra Cisneros said, “Process your wounds.” This is so true. Find what can help you process those wounds. My healing involves writing. It helps me release the rage I may be holding in and helps me to let go. Find your process. Allow yourself to feel angry, if it makes you feel better have a good cry then drop it. Drop it and move on. 


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