Last year around this time I was getting everything ready to run my first Marathon. I was excited but a bit scared. My only worry then was being able to finish the run without walking. A year later, I’m getting ready for a completely different type of marathon- motherhood and all I worry about is having a healthy baby.
Life can change so unexpectedly.
Today I went to see a good friend finish his first marathon and it brought back memories from my experience last year. During a marathon there’s a time when your adrenaline is running so high you do not feel much pain but there’s also a moment when you ask yourself questions like, “what the hell were you thinking?” or “what did you get yourself into? They call this the wall and it’s your mind trying to play tricks on you and your body. This usually happens towards the end of the 26.2 miles and puts your ability to finish to test.
I hit this kind of wall at the beginning of my pregnancy. I asked myself the same kind of questions and wanted to give up. I kept asking myself, “How could YOU get yourself in this situation?” This challenged the woman I was and wanted to be. It tested everything I ever knew and believed. It questioned who I was and who I was going to become. This became the most challenging wall of my life but some how I managed to deal and survive.
And that’s the same thing you have to do during a Marathon. You find a way to survive through those last few miles.
The marathon I ran last year does not compare to the one I’m currently living. I am 9 months pregnant and this is just the beginning of a life long adventure. It is exciting but scary. It is unknown and overwhelming. It is crazy beautiful but oh so nerve racking. Last year, each mile marker on the course became an accomplishment. Each marker reminded me of how much closer I was to the finish line but also made me questioned how I was going to make it.
My ninth month marker feels the same way. It brings me closer to meeting my little guy but it makes me think about what’s ahead. The finish line is nowhere near for this marathon but unlike in any other marathon I’m looking forward to it. I am scared and a bit nervous but I suppose this is all normal just like those jitters you feel the night before you run those 26.2 miles.
I’ve come to realize you can only prepare so much and there are so many things that will be out of your control. For example, the weather today was a huge factor on how marathoners performed. The always powerful mother nature- cold, wind and rain- made this marathon harder than expected and there is no training that could have prepared the runners. I’ve done as much as I can to prepare for Gael’s arrival but I know it is impossible to be 100% ready. This gives me a bit of comfort because I know this is how things will be from now on. I can only control so much and everything else will just have to happen on mother’s nature terms and time.
For now, all I can do is wait until the next mile marker- his birth.