Motherhood Moments: Now I understand my Mother

Español para La Voz

Gael con abueIt’s true. The best thing that can happen to a mother is that her children have children.

Now that I’ve become a Mom I understand and admire my mother so much more.

My story with my mother is like that of many other families who come to this country seeking a better life. She had to leave my older brother and me with our grandmother to follow the American dream. I was 2 years old. My mother had to make this difficult decision during the civil war in El Salvador. It was not until 10 years later when she managed to get my residency and reunite.

Since childhood I understood the logic of why she had to leave me behind, my mind processed it but my heart didn’t get it. My heart was resentful for a while.

There were too many moments we missed together– birthdays, graduations, dances, falls, fears and nights.

Coming to this country was a culture shock–a new family, siblings a never met, new language and the mother I always wanted to know.  The only comfort I knew and grew up with was no longer there—my grandmother.  Like any kid at that age going through what i was going through I felt rejected. This was a product of my imagination result of the sudden change and lack of maturity on my part.

At first, I cried every night and all I wanted to do was to run to my grandmother’s arms I missed so much. But I was determined and always reminded myself that this was the best for me and I had to take advantage of the opportunity to live in this country. I kept reminding myself that my mother had made a sacrifice and it was time for me to show her it was worth it. 

Now I’m a Mom

Mi GaelNow that I’m a Mom it breaks my heart to think of how difficult it must have been for my mother to have to separate from her two children. I cannot even imagine her pain the day she hugged us goodbye not knowing if she will ever see us again. It saddens me to think of her suffering during her journey to the United States. She always kept in touch, wrote letters, visited and when she was able brought us to her.

Now that I’m fortunate to be a mom I cannot bare the thought of being far away from my Gael. My life, my world and everything around it have changed. Everything revolves around him. The joy I feel every morning I see his beautiful eyes watching me with excitement it’s like no other.

The transition from a professional independent woman to a single mother has not been easy but I thank God for the support of so many.

She is my fort

My mother has been my greatest support. I remember the panic I felt when I had to tell her about my pregnancy. I did not want to disappoint her. I cried so much but she said, “but why are you crying? You are going to be a mom!”

I think back at that moment and see myself now– all I can do is smile! 

Being a Mother has opened my eyes to so many things. Now I understand her sacrifice of having to separate from her children to provide a better future for them. I understand why she will always defend her children no matter what. I understand her pain when her kids suffer. I understand why her love will always be unconditional. I understand why a mother will always do what is best for her kids.

I admire my mother for having the strength and guts to make one of the most difficult decisions of her life. The course of my life changed thanks her strength and courage.

Now, Gael has changed to course of my life once again and I could not be happier. He is the light of my eyes and the reason I want to be a better woman. 

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