Tag Archives: Hope

I do not always have it together

9 Apr

470179_400075410013790_284055658282433_1313376_679222801_oNo, I do not always have it together. Most of the time I do not. It may come across as if I do, cute photos on social media, outings with friends, dinners etc. Friends say; you are doing so well or ask, how do you do it? My thoughts,  you have no idea! If you only knew!!!

There are weeks when I feel like I do have it all together but there are weeks like this week when I don’t. I feel lost, over whelmed, and a bit angry. At times I feel really dumb because I wish I knew how to do things better. I wish I knew how to fix things. How to fix me. Balancing work and being a mom is not easy. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You want to be good at everything yet you always feel like you are lacking in one area.  It is hard. It is exhausting. If you are good at your job, manage long hours, attend important events you feel guilty because you feel as if you are lacking as a mother. If you work late you feel guilty for not being there for your kid. And yet when you are there all the time you feel like your career isn’t moving. It is so hard to be good at both and so easy to feel as a failure. Not only a failure to yourself but a failure to your child. It’s really not that easy and I’m not always doing so well. And I know many women who feel the same.

Earlier this week, I read a blog post by a mother who described her feelings about being a mother. The title drew me to it, “I don’t like being a Mother.” It was raw, honest and emotional. She shared feelings so many women are afraid to even think. Afraid to share with anyone. Afraid to allow those words to come out of their mouths. I am sure most women can relate to some of her feelings but will never admit it. I think there’s so much pressure on women to do it all. We must do it all, do it well and don’t complaint about it. If you do, you feel guilty. If you do, you are a bad mother.

The mother who wrote this post said she felt as if she was missing “some chain of DNA all mothers are supposed possess.” She shouldn’t feel this way but this is what society says to women. This is what you are supposed to do. You are supposed to be good. It will come naturally. You are less of a woman if you don’t. Motherhood isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. It is not okay to judge anyone for making the choice to not have children. And it is okay if you don’t want any. Believe me,  it really is! That does not make any woman worth less. So can we please stop asking married couples without children, “so, when are you guys having children?” Stop asking single women, when are you getting married? Don’t you want any children? Stop asking first time mothers, “are you ready for a second?

Motherhood isn’t always a magical journey. It’s not always filled with happy feelings or thoughts. It’s not always nice. I too have some of those feelings. I’m not always happy. I get sad. I cry. I watch Gael and wonder if I’m good enough for him as I struggle to keep a career. It is hard. Sometimes I get angry at myself for having these feelings and then I remind myself I am human. There were so many things that have been going wrong this week, moments of weakness and defeat, moments of failure and disappointment, moments of anger and hopelessness, moments of mourning and sorrow. Moments when you feel broken all over again. Yet, there’s always a glare of hope at the end of the day when Gael smiles. He is my clutch. He brings me back to balance. I know I may not be the best mom but I do know I am good enough for him. He has no choice; he is stuck with me J

I thank that anonymous mother for writing her feelings like she did. She is amazingly brave. I hope life gifts her with a glare of hope. Hope and happiness. She deserves it.

#naphopomo 2013, Day 16: Meet Mike

21 Nov

photo

I met Mike Segal this morning during a visit at Ben Taub Hospital with my Mom. He came into the waiting area and said, “at 11am I’m going to have a support group in this room. I would like to tell you my story.” My initial thought was, “oh great, what’s this guy going to talk about.”  

Mike came back at 11am and shared that in 1981 he was shot in the head execution style during a robbery at a convenience story in Austin. Mike stopped by the convenience store to get $2 of gas with his girlfriend Sharon who stayed in the car while he went inside the store to pay. They were both students at UT and just finished a long night of studying. Mike survived but his doctors didn’t give him much hope to his quality of life. One of his doctors told him it was best not to focus on returning to college and to set “more realistic goals.” In 1986, Mike graduated with the highest honors from UT. He says he is a very determined and stubborn person.

Mike’s story is remarkable and truly inspiring. One of my favorite things he said during his talk is that in order to see the beauty in life you have to experience some unpleasantness. I couldn’t agree more. This week I’ve been reminded of this several times. Mike is inspiring because he survived against all odds and never gave up. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to complete his degree while still going through therapy three to five days a week but he did it. He didn’t make any excuses for himself and was determined. Listening to his story was a breathe of fresh air on a day that didn’t turned out the way I expected.  He brought different things into perspective and reminded me how important it is living each day to it’s fullest. I was humbled to hear story and can only wish others take the time to really listen to him. 

At the end of the talk he asked he we had any questions and of course I did. I wanted to know what happened with Sharon. Mike shared Sharon never left his side and have been married for more than 20 years. They have one daughter who recently graduated from College. Mike says Sharon taught him the definition of true love. Mike describes Sharon as his Miracle, a diamond in a world filled with problems, hurt and pain. 

Thank you Mike for sharing your story every wednesday in that hospital room. Thank you for sharing your wonderful spirit and positive outlook in life. Thank you for reminding me beauty can be found in the most unexpected places, and that we should always keep faith and hope alive.

This photograph was taken as part of #NaPhoPoMo (National Photo Posting Month) – a shot a day for the month of November.

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